I thought a lot about what I wanted to write today—15 years to the day that my Mom died of pancreatic cancer.
Mom’s Journey—the Great Depression
Josephine Cifonelli Biviano was one of a kind. Not because she was my mother, but because she paved the way during the depression. Her stories impact me today more than I could have imagined.
My Mom left high school to care for her four brothers and her little sister because both my Grandparents worked and their hours conflicted with preparation time for school and activities for their six children. Mom dutifully stepped in—not because she wanted to—but because she had to.
I heard the stories play out over many years at our home on 24 Mildred Avenue in Cortland, New York.
There was the time that my Mom hit my Uncle Sam Cifonelli on the head with a frying pan when he was a little sassy. The two of them laughed harder than you could imagine each time they recounted the story. Once Uncle Sam said “I probably deserved it”, which was quite a confession, if you knew him.
Mom & Dad spent many holidays with her brothers who all lived nearby—whether it was for a drink before dinner or dinner itself. They visited each other regularly throughout my childhood and adult life.
There were the stories that my other uncles told—Paul, Dick, Danny—each had a tale of life on Bartlett Avenue, with my Mom as the centerpiece.
It really struck me—that time in the Great Depression, a young teenager, serving in the role as the head of family, making sure that her five siblings were ready for school, the band rehearsals and the athletic practices. She carried that compassion and care each day of my childhood growing up. There was never a day we weren’t ready.
Working Moms—Rebellious Teens
I grew up in the 1960’s and 1970’s, and when I was young, I recall my Mom being home with me and my sister, Lori, all the time. When we were older and able to walk, bus or drive to school ourselves, Mom decided to take a job with the County Treasurer. Mom and Dad’s work ethic—making life better for their family—is a core value I still have to this day.
But the truth is—I didn’t always have a perfect relationship with my Mom. In fact, I was quite a rebellious teen—ready to roll, pave my own path, and defy stereotypes.
Mom once told me in a clothing store in the 1970’s that she couldn’t understand how I could pick out the ugliest shirt and want to buy it. I never let her down.
Looking back, I am absolutely convinced that with the maturity I had as a teen, I would not have handled those days in the Great Depression as gracefully as she did. She was forced to grow up early, and I knew that was the truth.
Though we didn’t always agree, the older I got, the more I recognized how much of her strength I carried—especially when life turned.
Pancreatic Cancer Sucks
Fast forward to her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in October 2010. It came out of nowhere—first hope—then the devastating news that the treatments weren’t working.
With dignity, Mom paved her own way, saying she was ready to be with Dad, who had passed in 2001, just after 9-11, from a rare form of leukemia.
I recalled my Uncles teasing my Dad. They called him“St. Francis”. His real name was “Frank”, and he was well known throughout our family and the community as someone who did good deeds for all. I had no doubt that Mom’s faith would carry her upstairs to be reunited with Dad in heaven.
I remember the dignity and the wonderful care she received at Shepherd Home in Penfield, New York. This was largely due to the fact that her sister, Carol Heifferon, lived close by. Mom and little sister were always close. My cousin-in-law, Tracy Dovi, was part of the care team on site. I will always be grateful that Mom’s last days played out with such compassionate care.
I had made many trips from sunny California to snowy Upstate, New York, to help care for Mom. The dignity she showed and her careful resolve to make sure everything was in order was a Godsend to me and my sister.
I remember being on the airplane for one of my last trips to visit her in Penfield. I always read the newspaper and a letter to the editor caught my eye from a woman from Walnut Creek who lost her Mom to pancreatic cancer. The letter mentioned an organization—the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network—and the good work they were doing to advocate for pancreatic cancer research funding.
I got in touch immediately upon coming back to California and explained that it wouldn’t be much longer for my Mom and that I wanted to help.
From the first meeting, I jumped in to help—first on the media team and then on the advocacy team in the San Francisco Bay Area. I met many survivors who gave me hope for a cure someday.
My son, Michael, and I went on five trips to Washington, D.C. prior to COVID. President Obama even signed the Recalcitrant Cancer Research Act January 3, 2013, on the anniversary of my mother’s birthday.
Part of my “purple inspiration” comes from these trips, since purple is the color on the cancer spectrum representing pancreatic cancer.
Where We Are Today
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This link is to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network—you can see advances in pancreatic cancer research and ways to help.
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This “Look Ahead” offers a glimpse of pancreatic cancer research statistics, noting that the five-year survival rate for pancreatic cancer has stalled at 13% for the third year in a row.
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This data from the American Cancer Society shows pancreatic cancer as the third-leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States, behind lung and colorectal cancers.
Life Lessons
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As you live your life, be grateful for the special moments you have with your Mom. They cannot be replaced and will likely shape your values and determination the rest of your life.
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Be diligent in helping with your parents’ healthcare as they age—you never know how long they will still be with us—and sometimes they need us more than they realize.
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Always remember the life lesson. Beyond my memories above is one I will cherish the rest of my life. It’s about a Grandma teaching her Grandson how to make homemade Italian meatballs—a story of grit and determination that will be published in 2026 in my family’s new Italian cookbook.
Judy Lloyd is a public affairs pro who owns Altamont Communications Strategies. She is the host of the Purple Inspiration Podcast—stay tuned!